I promise you, this week's newsletter is not taking a page from scummy "cheaters" websites, manipulative TV shows, or misogynist "self-help" books about beer and hell. If infidelity involves deception then it's not something I'm going to be able to help you learn how to do, or how to do well. But it is something I think we should talk about because, like life, infidelity happens. I'm not sure that the revelations from Representative Anthony Weiner really constitute infidelity, but as if to prove my point about life happening, I had already planned this infidelity newsletter prior to what the twitterverse has dubbed Weinergate. So today you get my non-scummy, non-misogynist, and hysterical thoughts on that as well. Plus a poll! ~ Cory
Most of the time when we hear about someone sending naked or half-naked pictures of themselves on twitter or Facebook it's a story about teens, and it affords the public the opportunity to rail against whatever it is they think is wrong with teens (their brains, our society, their comfort with technology). This time it's an adult. So what do we do now?
I first learned it from Oz (the Buffy character, not the HBO prison show); sometimes we tell ourselves that we are admitting things to our partner for their own good when it's really about making ourselves feel better. Other times, disclosing something we've done is the only right thing to do. It's always situation specific, so here are some things to consider before you tell, after you cheat.
Romantic and/or sexual relationships can survive infidelity. Some of them actually thrive after a betrayal. Not because being betrayed is a turn on (it might be for a very select few masochists, but unless you know for sure that's who you're in a relationship with, I wouldn't risk it) but because the work you need to do after infidelity is precisely the kind of work we all need to do if we want to stay in long term committed relationships.